Damn, this Apocalypse they keep talking about is getting late! I’m dead anxious waiting for it.

*****

This tough life is killing me. I hope an easy death will keep me alive.

*****

They say you’re not really dead as long as you keep living in your other significant ones’ heart. Would you let me at least make me a beautiful apartment in your heart just to keep living there comfortably?

*****

I’m not afraid of death. I just get freaking scared of how creepy the word „death” sounds.

*****

Why they say: „The criminal was sentenced to life”? They should say „sentenced till death”

If someone comes up with a joke about me, before I invent it, that means they’re really perspicacious.

*****************

Yesterday I was so sick that I thought I had my both feet in the grave. Today, I feel a little better, I have only one foot left there.

*****************

I like chocolate sooooo much. I’m dying for chocolate. Oh, in fact I do: I just choke with one piece of it.

*****************

„I see dead people!”, said the zombie.

Everyday I think of the fact that some day I will die. I hope I will not make it through that day.

*****************************

I hope that when I’ll die I’ll be famous and I will not end up like a man that no one ever heard of. So I pray that they won’t misspell my name on the tomb of my grave.

*****************************

Somebody asked me once if I want to change the world. I said „Sorry, I don’t have small change at me, right now”.

I’m a very special man. I’d be very sorry if someday I’d die.

*********************

I’m sitting here at the office, working my back off a boring-to-death job which brings me a fortune of money. I guess God has a good laugh looking at me or else He would put me out of this misery.

*********************

God gave me a striking luck when I won one billion dolars at the Lottery one month ago, by the time I was homeless and unemployed. Meanwhile, I got employed at a good name company, my manager is very pleased of me and I love my job as a janitor. Now I can afford to pay my rent in the suburb and I can have a good meal at the social eating hall. What more for God’s sake can I ask for?

They say there is a life after life. So, when do we die?!

*** 

– So what if you are an atheist? Do you think that you won’t be tried on Judgement Day?
– Oh, yes, I say, but at least I have an alibi.

***

My friend has died few minutes ago. Since today, I find out that the mankind starts dying.

***

The twenty-first century has begun. But you can still count on me.

***

I haven’t believed in God while I was alive but now I do: I am dead and I haven’t yet reached for hell as I was supposed to. So I think I should be grateful to somebody.

***

When I was alive I was a true believer and however I had a miserable life. Now that I died, I think that somebody should pay me some compensations.

***

As long as I have been alive I’ve seen everyday how unjust God is. Now I am dead and believe me: I don’t care anymore about it.

7th of October 1995